Monday, July 11, 2011
A week ago I was totally in the state of tension for the coming week. TENSION? What for? I will come to it later. Firstly as the academic year started, I was in a constant state of tension till now. Starting with the fees to till date. A trade of complexity of life just overwhelmed me like anything. What is the matter with the fees? Well, about the fees as I have told earlier in the previous post was a disparity in my knowledge and the actual value. I had to run helter-skelter for that while it got solved. But it was that only thing. All the classes I was haunted by the thoughts of the same and I couldn't concentrate on the classes, as if I would have concentrated. At least I would have heard the classes with out any sort of burden on me. As it got a kind of solved, it took a week off. It here refers to the tension.
Finally last week, it got a chance back again and struck right through me. I felt devasted as I am feeling now. This whole week I had been artificial. I could not laugh like normal. Last week I went to home with an elite plan. This plan I had since 10th grade. I tried implementing this plan over a 50 times. May be it might have reached 100 as I stopped counting. Well the point is that I couldn't implement my plan. And I had a Get-Together by my 12th grade friends hoping to meet one more before eloping with the jobs or higher education. I will write about it in another post. And frankly speaking I really couldn't enjoy because I had something else in my mind bothering. Later was the time for the plan. I think I made the point clear that the plan which I intended to work upon just failed.
Now as my plan had failed, I was left with no other choice than to deal with it. Well, an unhealthy man needs an inspiration and positive motivation that he would get alright. A deranged person needs enlightenment. A jerk needs to learn moral values. Well, so I had to do something. The visions and the dreams which we have play an important role. These motivate and inspire us saying that the thing which you are about to deal with is a small thing only and it can be easily handled. So was the case with me also. This happened at night before the day I was to leave. I convinced myself to give it a try and try to make a beginning. Well it lasted for the night before I left for hostel from home. As I arrived at hostel, it was like a haunting ghost. I started with the process of creating the presentation slides. As days grew nearer and nearer, the light which I had ignited the spark. Well actually, that spark didn't last for even a day. I also had to submit the report in addition to the presentation. Well, the report was getting disastrous each day. I almost got the whole lot of the A4 pages. It's a pretty mess. Finally I was done with the report and was left with a mess of papers. Cutting the story short, finally the day arrived and as usual I was pretty tensed. I had been expecting this day since a week. But this day wasn't my day. As the seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to hours, the time finally arrived. Just before I had the presantation seminar, I had to submit the report. I was pretty frustrated and kind of out of my mind sort of thing. The actual procedure was that on each day of the lab, Every five members have to give the seminar, which is on the Industrial Training which was supposed o be done by the students during the summer break. Unfortunately, there were only two who were giving the seminar. Of which myself bearing the freaking roll no.1, I was one of them in the first. Luckily for the other guys they took the permission. They just escaped intimating that they would give their presentation in one of the coming weeks. This left me the only one to give the presentation. But fortunately, a friend of mine volunteered to give his seminar on the same day as mine, as he had some exam on his seminar day. This left with only two guys to give the seminar. As I was in a 'out-of-mind' state, I told my friend that we will also give the presentation next week. So, as I went to the concerned teacher to submit the report he told the same thing I told. But the madam was quite mad at that and we were left with no other choice than to give the seminar.
With minor problems and also tackling them, the final moment came. That moment made me forget everything. Everything. Everything that I had prepared for the seminar. So I started with reading the presentation slides and with steady interruption of questioning and awkward feeling of mine while I wasn't able to answer the questions and the look of the teachers. I continued reading the slides, which when I was reading also I felt a kind of guilty or say shame or say (anything you like,) when I was pointed out that I was reading them rather than explaining them. I was quite embarrassed. Totally Embarrassed. I know that there is no escape from that. So, it was a big Disaster. Now, I feel like (I don't know,/okay lets say I don't know how to put the words/ or may be I don't know the words for such kind of a feeling) devastated. "__________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________". I don't know what I should write in those spaces. I feel like _________. Sorry, don't know again. DAMN. I can't write any more. If I do it would be very inappropriate. So, excuse me. I will catch up later with myself. I myself don't know where I am wandering.
P.S. I don't why I wrote this. I just felt like writing. And I know that most of my friends would be thinking what an 'a_h_ 'I am. And though they would be calling me with more inappropriate word than calling me 'jerk'. By the was I am sorry, I've no idea what I am writing.