Friday, March 8, 2013


I was in deep thinking. I had no idea what I was thinking. So deep I was in thinking, or lets call it brain storming with innumerable unnecessary thoughts while bounced from one world to another. My room is filled with people, those we usually call friends and acquaintances. The volume on the TV was blaring out loud. Even my parents who stay two states away could also hear. No Kidding. And what were they watching? Some Comedy show, which had nothing but the double meaning dialogues. I just couldn't watch it. Neither could I leave the room, well, because basically I stay in the same room. I change the channel during advertisements and these people get into shouting at me. Oh boy! Give me a break! So, I had no other choice but to plug in my head phones and keep the volume at the maximum possible on my iPod. Phew! Thats' a relief. Thats' when I had dozed off into this vigorous thinking.

I am just amazed at some people who find their dream at their early ages. Some want to be singer, some dancer, some doctor, some Engineer (What? No one ? Seriously, No one? ). Ok, after looking at me, obviously you wouldn't dream even during night. #JustSaying. So I was saying what they want to become. Yeah, some want to become a cricketer, (..remaining sports..), IAS , Pilot, [ Ok! Ok! We got your point. Move on. ] Isn't it just amazing. So, I was thinking what drives them into such dreams. Something they watch on TV, something they hear from people around, something their parents/well wishers want them to be. Or is it a self proclaimed path which one discover during the course of journey ? If someone else decides what we want to become, isn't it their dream? I would love to choose my own path. But there is still a question. The question of How? 

Realizing what we love to do is not just a overnight thing. It takes time. What factors does it hold is solely our problem and needs solving. What we hear, what we perceive, what we think about it, what we do, all matters. I see many people working. Look at the IT industry that I currently work in. And I see thousands of people with formally dressed and go to office daily. So, is it their childhood dream or just the circumstances and others perception. We hear many people telling not to do this-that, while so many people telling us to do this-that. We want a happy life. And what does it take to get that? A good pay job so that we can take care of ourselves as well as our family. Aren't we bound with responsibility? Is it what we wanted? May be now! But as a child, as a innocent little child when we thought, "I want to become this(profession)". But as time passes by we change ourselves to the circumstances and choose what's best for us, for the people around me. I just wonder is that what we dreamed being a child? 

As I said earlier, I really appreciate many people(well almost everyone, even the people reading this) who pursed their dreams. Because it involves breaking some rules, bending them and deciding that they align with out dream. And its' not wrong. It's actually the best thing you have ever done. You have just crossed the limit you set for yourself and made a new limit in the skies far above. And let me continue by saying, You would definitely reach and cross that limit also. Because its' what we would when we all work with out heart. 

And now, I stay silent among the myriad people climbing, falling and again climbing their ladders, which they crafted themselves in the process to break the limits that they set for themselves . I am confused. I am still thinking. I have different plates in front of me. I just can't eat all the plates because we all know what happens the next morning, the day after that and the day after that as well. And I am lost in thinking. Just Lost. And its too damn dark in here. I hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel, if only there was any tunnel. I want to see the sunshine that rises from the far east, if only the night did ever end. I aspire to achieve, if only I knew what that was! 


May be, I should Dance.

I love Guitar, May be this? 

Just Lost, Plain Lost.
Confused & Lost. Somebody Help !!!

Ajay Kontham © 2013


  1. Hello Ajay:)
    Beautiful post,after reading this I actually lost myself,ha ha! Yeah so many of them today are in the same boat as you are...God help you and anyone else who is 'LOST':)

    1. Haha. Hope you are not too lost. :P
      Thank you. :D

  2. Replies
    1. Haha. Thanks. :D
      I too am thinking the same. :P

  3. Lol love the first pic :P nod to Tom Cruise ;)

    1. Hehe. Thanks. :D
      Tom Cruise? :P WOW.

    2. ...I thought that's who you were referencing in that shot. If not, then you'd have to check out Risky Business.

    3. How did I miss that? Damn.
      Thanks for sharing. :)

      And yeah, Now Nod to Tom Cruise. :D

  4. I wasn't planning to comment since I haven't felt the need to write (not even comment on others/your previous posts)This prompted me to. And sorry,it's gonna be (un)usually long.

    Not showing off, but then I guess anybody following your blog can easily depict few topics(read thoughts) that's gonna come out. Sometimes you consciously or unconsciously blurt out things, which signals things that are already churning inside you, but comes out little late in here. (I have a strong feeling that like every time, I am right :P)

    Well, coming to living the dream. Yes, you are living in India, and no matter how much urbanization and westernization have changed things, some things juts can't change. So are dreams. Most of the households children live their parent's dream. Some youngsters are getting freedom to go for their choice, but not all. Still. Yes. And they always a strong weapon (read emotional blackmail)to make the child turn its ways and work on their dream. A new trend among that dream of many parents is marriage of their child - that they shouldn't do love marriage (I agree, to an extent some of that scene is changing, but still, love at over all picture)I guess I am getting way beyond, but hope you got the point.

    Coming back to dreams (or choices), since parent's dreams come in, package of expectations, societal reputation, and blah blah . The list is always endless. With guys, its little more complicated because your salary package is directly proportional to size of girls for marriage/girlfriends/affairs/timepass, whatever you call it. So often man has to climb the ladder, without choice, though he might just be interested in endless gazing at sky (i presume you would come under that. I mean, you do love that, maybe one of your fav timepass?)

    Strangely, few months back I was floating under same boat (partly still, esp that How part)My degrees, my exp, a gap, and going back on completely different line (well, something no one in my family, or near relatives dont think that as a career also!), well its difficult sometimes even to drill down to what exactly YOU want when the whole world (mainly parents)cant just understand your dreams. So the criss-cross happens. A colleague of mine went in research,and now she is doing a job she wouldnt have even thought. Her case, well the line she wanted to pursue demanded that she should work in some other city, and her parents didn't just allow that. So in a way, its like a common story. Presuming (too much presumptions, I know!) that you have the freedom to take up what you want, I would suggest you better stay in that 'lost' mode, because the deeper you get tangled in this web, the deeper will be your love for that 'thing' when you realize it, and you will pursue with all passion.

    I don't think anybody will be able to guide you or understand you, and tell Ajay this is what you can do, and you should. No one I guess. the best and close ones can suggest you based on interactions or situations, but i would suggest unless you get an echo from your heart, just go with the flow -try to do everything, yet nothing. because at this stage, its the mind you says do this do that (guitar, dance or even toon artist!)Unless your heart gets stuck to one or even few things that you really burn to do, better to feel lost till then. Coz in the end it will be all worth it.

    Oh bdw, I am too yet to find that 'call'. There are lot many things I discovered enroute and still discovering. And even you are discovering some talents - like you make seriously funny comic strips (esp the dialogues and reactions :P). So, chill buddy. Sometimes even thoughts need a break. So stop thinking too much, you dont look good in that! (bdw can we get a comic strip of that! :P I am sure it would be lot funny :P)

    Oh bdw sorry, maybe i did vent out and started to blabber at points. The things is , hopefully,you got my point :)

    Hugs and take care :)

    1. Yeah, I totally got your point.

      Thank you so much for this lovely comment.

      I want to say something but guess I am just speechless. :P

      I am already making a fool of myself in the comic strips, you want make some more of it?:P

    2. Making a fool of yourself? I don't think so, as far as you know what you are doing and what is making you do that, you aren't fooling yourself. You are just confused and clueless at same time. And that's not called making a fool of yourself.

  5. I was gonna type out a comment but the comic strip made me laugh out loud. Literally :P

    As to following a dream, lucky is the man who gets to choose his path, a path that he loves.

    1. Glad it made you laugh. :D

      So true.
      Thanks for that. :)

  6. Lovely post..:)
    i simply got lost in ur words...
    Keep writing..!!..:)

  7. Awesomely written Ajay! I have found myself in such situations time and again. I admit, till now I do not have an answer nor did I reach that light at the end of the tunnel. Damn, I even don't know if there is an end to this tunnel. But what I do know is we cannot find it out by retreating because the other side of the tunnel is even darker, nor can we find it by staying still.

    So, I decided no matter what, let me keep walking towards the light, irrespective of whether I reach it or not. That said, at the end either I would have reached it or the light would have reached me or at the least I would have the satisfaction of having tried.

    Until later,
    Keirthana :)

    1. So rightly said. :)
      And you did a really good thing. Nice perception. :)

      I should also try it. :D

      Thank you. :)

  8. Sometimes I feel this whole "choose what you love and do it" is a bit overrated though. Most of us don't have a single passion- most of us get excited and are great at a very large variety of things.

    1. Yeah! Exactly. Look at me. :/

      But there is one thing that stands out. We just have to find that one thing, though the percentage difference is too little.

  9. Candidly written.
    It's okay to be lost sometimes.

  10. Lets hope u find ur way soon! All the best!

  11. Loved reading this, Ajay. I'm sure all of us could connect to you. In fact, just before I read your post, I was talking to a friend who happens to be a professional photographer. Every time I talk to him, I can't help thinking how lucky he is. Photography was his passion and he is getting to live his passion each day. How bad-ass is that! And then I'm like, I like photography too, let me become a photographer. I talk to a friend who is a journalist and I want to be a journalist. And it goes on. You get the drill, right?

    I might be lost, so lost right now but I know I'll figure it out somehow. I know the light is there, I just don't know how far I'll have to travel to get to it. The important part is, it is there. And it's so bright that it is enough for you and for me and for all of us.

    1. Glad you liked it.
      The same thing happens to me all the time. One time one profession, some time later another. Everything seems so damn fascinating, innit?

      I hope you find the light before you even anticipate it.
      Thanks for dropping by. :D


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