The Mid-Night Caller.

Disclaimer : It's a long post ahead. One night I received a phone call from a stranger and wanted my advice. You might find some swearing. So, tread with caution and I totally understand if you don't wish to continue. 

12 : 08 AM - A phone call 

The clock struck twelve. I don't usually care about the time or the hour of the night. But then my phone rang. It was freaking mid-night and the question of who might be calling me at this hour was one question that was on my head. Earlier in the day, I got a call from some guy who is a student in some college in some part of the country and wanted me to donate  money to help save a child's life. I would really help, but is this a way to get some help? Calling someone out of the blue and asking for money to help. This doesn't even sound legit, does it? People usually don't donate even after knowing that it is a legit because of some or the other reasons. And this guy just calls and expects me to donate money. But first of all, how the hell did he even get my number?  This was too good to be true. Eventually I told him to call me after some time but my intention was to just get rid of this guy. So, when the phone rang at 10 minutes past 12, I was so sure to give him a good piece of me. But it wasn't him. It was another unknown number, but then again there was this caller id (courtesy of Truecaller app) which displayed a name.

Who was it?

The person on the other end of the line introduced himself and I knew that fellow, but the name on the caller id showed a different name. Anyway, that person has never ever talked to me before, like never ever. He was just some other guy whom I met over the internet and to filter-down, through blogger. Upon commenting and all, we had a little chat in which he felt that we were totally in sync with regards to the sarcastic comments and not to mention, even the vulgarity of the jokes. It is more like I understood what he wanted to convey which was either too out-of-line, or perverted or not appropriate to others or me too, but there is nothing wrong in understanding things. Of course they were inappropriate in all ways possible which I understood some of the times, while others discarded it on the grounds of way-too-inappropriate. But then again, when I understood, it didn't give him the right to say whatever he wanted to say. I don't exactly what happened but what he said was way too inappropriate and that it involved people I knew. We all have boundaries and a line which never should be crossed, which he did. It might have been a joke, a very bad joke perhaps, but everything is not for making fun of. And we should know when and where to draw the line. It was that moment, I realized that I have been tagging along with most of his bullshit which included some of the people I know. I always took that he was joking and I let it go. But it is not okay to make fun each every time one gets a chance. May be he is just like that - making fun and inappropriate comments on people. It is high time either he changed himself or I did. I took the step of un-tagging myself from his so called friend. But it was so long that I  even forgot what had happened and while he was talking about it, I just couldn't recollect what happened 4 months ago. 

01: 00 AM - What was it about? 

He started by apologizing for parting ways on some uncertain circumstances and mentioning that I was the one friend, or more of a stranger who understood what he told. He said that he felt bad for parting ways. I was like Okay, Its' okay. We are cool, you don't have to apologize for whatever happened in the past since I don't even remember what had happened. But I was really okay. I didn't had any hard feelings. And more over I wanted to know where this was going. No body calls you up at the middle of the night with out a reason. I had a feeling that I knew where this was going. There could be nothing much between two strangers unless there is something or someone common between them. This was about a girl of course, and I knew about whom. And since he called me up in the middle of the night, something has happened. And this girl we were talking about, yeah I guess I have to talk about her as well.

She is another blogger whom I came across just like this midnight-caller dude. See, the point is I am good at making virtual friends, right? And this midnight caller dude happened to believe that I know her better. I was like What? How could I? Yeah, I agree that we had a few casual conversations, but that didn't mean that I know her completely for good. How can anyone ever know anyone by the conversations that they have? So anyway, What was it about? It was about Trust. This midnight-caller had some serious trust issues. Please don't get me started. After conversing I felt like "Dude , you should give your mind a rest and not over think much". 

02 : 00 AM - ....still no solid ground.... 

Trust. Trusting is a complicated process. It takes time. It depends on the person and how comfortable they make us with the things that are shared mutually. It is a hard step in any kind of relationship, either friendship or love or marriage or anything as a matter of fact. So our midnight caller was battling with the same issue as anybody else. He is having a hard time believing and needed a second opinion, if we consider his opinion as his first. As far as  I know he had no opinion. So, that makes my opinion the first, I guess. Now, the question that we have in front of us is why me? I am a total stranger and we didn't part in any good terms either. So, why out of the blue me? Right? Well, that was my question as well. His idea was that I knew the person-in-question before hand and wanted my opinion on her. First of all, I knew nothing about her and secondly him asking about her was totally weird. But still, I wanted to help this dude in any way possible even though I knew the least about this fellow literally. Though there was some hardship a couple of months ago but I don't take everything to heart. I have this feeling that people change over a period of time, if not totally at least some part. And mind you, I mean the good part.

Now, this guy wanted my help but was too hesitant to ask or share his side of the story. Because it was kind of personal. I did tell him to make up his mind and then contact me if he needed my help or anything. He was telling but just finishing before he started telling and in the end I just get one word and it means nothing to me. Because in order for me to help him, I need to understand the situation that he is dealing with so that I might give my version of the solution or something like that. I even told him to leave it if it was too personal and can't be shared with me. It was his choice. And I realized that it was way too personal when it turned out to be something related to intimacy. He asked me not to tell anyone whatever he was going to share. He made me promise. I am totally cool with promises. But he wanted me to promise on God - God Promise. Well okay, it wasn't a big deal since I am not a person who breaks promises so when he told to swear on god, I did confront him by saying that I promise but this was a little too much, but fine God Promise. He got into the details of what happened and how all this has made him suspicious and started questing his morale. I had no idea what to respond to his side of the story. It was too personal to share with anyone, even with a best friend and he was doing that with me, a complete stranger who once hated him for the person he was and turning to be. And his trust issues started because it was happening too fast for him and he was having a feeling that it was too good to be true. But since everything happened in a matter of few days, it made him suspicious. So, the reason for him calling was to ask whether he can trust her or not, whether she was telling the truth or not and whether he should continue the relationship with her. WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL? I don't know the as much as he thinks I know about her. And per the question of trusting, again she wasn't someone who I was with for god's sake. I barely know her, literally. And lastly MY advice on RELATIONSHIPS? Yeah, right!! I  did a doctorate in it and hold god knows how many certificates. Seriously! I am the last person one should be asking for relationship advice. I have no knowledge in it whatsoever and believe me I kind of hate them. Yeah, I agree that I am weird and insane. Deal with it. 

But whatever my status on this topic of discussion, I kind of do some kind of research based on the people who are around me and taking bits and pieces from here and there, I guess I have a some-kind-of-a-picture on relationships. And hell, I am a god damn freaking philosopher who pretend to know the whole world. So, I was talking to this stranger and giving my piece of mind on whatever I felt was right. I know whatever I know or told was of not use, but i was hoping that it might be helpful for him in someway and he may come to his senses at some point and realize that he knows better than me. Yeah after  2 hours of talking he came to know I wasn't in any kind of relationship and I had no idea what it means to be in it. What he had anticipated that since I was 3 years older to him, I might know things, especially about these relationships and yeah, the shocking thing was he asking me about the female anatomy. Believe me, he thought I had this knowledge about it and it was the reason for this call at that hour of the night and him having trust issues. It was crazily f**ked up, believe me. I am a few years older to him which doesn't mean that I know every god damn thing and it sure as hell doesn't mean that I have done things which he is currently involved in doing. I still have my morale intact and god help me, I hope it stays that way. He was doing things beyond his age, or probably it is just common these days and asking me about these things questioning my morality. Thank you for not believing that there are still people who don't just do things when it comes their way.

Even without any knowledge or experience on the things he was involved with, I tried to help him out in any way, may be because I felt that this guy just needed a path and wanted an ear to which he could tell everything and probably feel relieved. I had no problem being the ear and no problem trying to give advices even when I had no idea what it was all about. Three hours had passed and no mater how much I told him, no matter what advice I gave him, he just wasn't convinced I guess. If he was, he would have ended the conversation in the first hour itself. 

03 : 00 AM - Who I was to him ? 

"I should definitely meet you", he said. After nearly 3 hours of talking literally nothing useful and not arriving on any solid ground, he changed the topic towards me. He wanted to know me and wanted to catch up on the 3-4 months of absence that we had. I asked him why he wanted to meet me after assuring him that I am not the kind of person who people meet and feel happy after meeting and that I am a totally different person in real life and nothing like he feels about me over the Internet or even a phone call. I guess, I am just too good at convincing people that I am the nicest person when they can't see me. But they have no idea that I am the least talkative person ever present on the face of the earth. If you don't believe me, ask my friends, family, relatives or anyone you can get hold of and who know me in a way or the other. Some of the things he feel are good about me are that I am a patient person who listens to everything and that I am an intuitive person who has knowledge on certain things or most things. But that wasn't all.

What he felt about me?  According to him and based upon the pictures on the social media this was his version of me. I am short and I have a dark complexion. My social quotient was nil. I had never been in any relationship. I didn't do any of the things that I should have already done. I don't earn much. I am pathetic. That was a bummer when he said that I had the most pathetic life ever. Though, he told me not to feel bad before giving his piece of mind about me, but I believe there is a limit. Still I didn't bother much about it. And as per the issue of money, he went ahead by telling that it was the pitiable sum of money and it wasn't worth living/working for. He didn't stop there as he was supposed to stop. He took the initiative to give me advice on how to live my life. He was telling me How to live MY freaking life!  I let it go, as he was in the moment and that everyone these are giving advices to others on how to live a life and all. He was just one among them. But he went on quoting his cousin mentioning his f**king salary and that after he completes his college he would be earning double of what I am earning and yeah, he will be earning more than me even before completing his college which he would be getting as stipend. Well good for him. I appreciate his life. But did he stop? No, he had to tell about everything, how my personal life should be, what I should be doing and should not be doing. He was a freaking nobody to me.

03 : 30 AM - Crossing the line. 

After his version of me, I was still okay with it as I am not a person who take other's opinion about me seriously. I have a pretty good picture about my life and some other's advice or opinion is not of my concern. I know what kind of a person I was and what I need to do. Its' not like I can't do. I can. I can kill and bury my morale and do things, but then what would be the difference between the shitty people all around and me? So, to get off that topic, I asked him the most basic question as of why he trusted me. I was a total stranger and I was also that someone who hated him once for saying something out of the context. So, how could he trust me. He was kind of terrified when I asked him this question. He was saying that I had made him a promise not to share what he told with anyone. I assured him that he could trust me and that I wouldn't tell a word to anyone or to the person-in-question. What I wanted to tell that he shouldn't tell all personal things to someone he barely knew and keep aside the personal things, at least keep the intimate things under wraps. But he was so terrified that I might tell this to someone, he started questioning my trust. I was kidding with him that I will write everything in a mail and send it to her. He was so terrified that I assured him that I was totally kidding and I don't break promises. But then again, he was terrified, terrified like bloody f**k. He then said something, which then wasted the four hour conversation and the new friendship that he was slowly building up. He told to swear on my Mom. He fucking said that. He was having trust issues which I can understand. But after 3 hours of talking about it, I felt he had not learnt anything. He was still having a hard time believing people and trusting them. I made a fucking promise to him. I don't make promises at all. But I did, and I swore on God. He still didn't trust me with that. I told him that he was reaching out and that it was not a good thing. I told him straight forward on his face that he was having some serious trust issues and that I can't promise him with anything, because believing takes two steps. I took the first step to not the share it with anyone and when it came on him regarding taking a step in trusting me, he didn't take that. So, I told him I don't make promises to people who are not sure of themselves. I disconnected the call saying that he needed to stand on a solid ground before asking someone for help and regarding his trust issues, F**k 'em. I don't have a problem. I even told him that he should know where to make a line, what a line is, and when not to step over it. He stepped over it, stabbed the shit out it. This the kind of person I don't hang out with. And it was the same reason why we stopped being friends 4 months ago. He has no fucking idea what to tell and when to tell. If he thinks, its the joke every time, may be he should think twice before saying his fucked up jokes because they aren't jokes and he was kidding no one here. All are grown up people here and it is high time that he realized that he knows his place before he starts his bullshit. 

_____________________________________

I apologize for writing such a lengthy post and not getting to any conclusion. I guess there was no conclusion to be made in this. It was something that happened with me a couple of days ago. It was one of a kind. I guess you will agree with me, I mean if you were with me all the way along this whole post. And my belief that people change has been broken so bad that I can't imagine. I always think twice or thrice before saying anything. And in the process of thinking, I don't even say what I wanted to say. Because I always think what they (others) would think for what I say. It might be nothing, but still I feel that thinking twice before saying anything hasn't harmed anyone. Believe me, I have drafted this post a couple of times, then I deleted everything and then wrote. I confess that I didn't think twice before writing this, because I am not able to pen anything that I wanted to pen down. I am thinking too much about what other's think. But I suppose I was in my limits. No? I apologize for that. I am not going to read this post again. It was hard to experience it once, and relive it twice is painful. And also regarding my promise, I believe I haven't shared what he didn't wanted me to share. Though, there are bits a pieces which might indicate what he meant to keep hidden, but who gives a fuck about him and my promise to him after how he ended things or rather I ended with him. Dude, f**king get over yourself.

The worst f**ked up thing about all this issue was that he told everything what he told me not to tell her (the person about whom he was having trust issues with). Every single f**king thing minus some things. This guy is I-told-have-a-word-for-him.

P.S. : Are you thinking what else I have left to tell that I am writing this P.S. I frankly don't know. I just felt the need, but it beats me what I wanted to write.