Monday, December 21, 2015

We all have a story


We all have a story we don't want to tell.




There is pain in the eyes, but you see me smiling. It might have been the joke you said or it might have been a happy moment for you. You are happy and so was I. I smiled curving my lips, assuring that I am happy. Of course I am happy. Why wouldn't I be happy? You give another hard look into my eyes, trying to leap inside the broken fragments of the soul, but you strike the doubt off the table with convincing smile I give you. I was happy or perhaps I have mastered the craft. 

"What makes one happy?", I sat down contemplating while I turned the pages of the novel that I was reading. I had covered a good fifty pages, only to realize that I was reading but my mind wasn't here. It had been somewhere else, lost. The story on the book continued, the life around continued, but I was still stuck in the limbo, the limbo of the past. And when I look at the page under the bright fluorescent light , I still remember the last scene which happened fifty pages back or was it the memory that never fades. 


I revisit the question when I saw the kid drowned in his game suddenly looks up and starts talking to me with a glow in his eyes. When he said he was a Tiger and I responded back that he wasn't. His response was rebellious yet I saw the carefreeness, a sort of freedom and happiness. After all he was a kid and he put me in a trance of thought, while I was still figuring out the answer to the question "What makes one happy?" Perhaps, I was asking the wrong question. I know what makes one happy. I have been there. May be, the question should have been "Why am I not happy?". I could give you a million reasons or one, and I still wouldn't let you in. Because some pages are better left unturned, some stories are better left untold. Perhaps, happiness is keeping the demons inside and never letting them out.

_____________

ak

12 comments:

  1. That is deep my friend! No sure shot answer to this question I guess, unless you are one who has achieved Nirvaana! Like you say, for us mere mortals, maybe we can keep the act of being in the state of happiness by not treading on deeper demons of insecurity, self-doubt, ignorance etc.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Deep is my kinda thing. :P I mean absurd senselessness. Ok, I don't know what Nirvana exactly is but no, I'm a long way from that.
      That's how I deal with the demons inside. The mere mortals are much better and are much happier in their trance of life. No demons for them.

      Thanks for dropping by. :)

      Delete
  2. That's brilliantly written AK! So profound ! Kudos to you sir!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your post has just added few more crumbs to my already obese thoughts.. The answer to the question 'Why am I not happy?' is so simple, and yet we are grinding to the self-created complications. Weird, isn't it? Love the way you write :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope the good crumbs.
      The realization of what makes one happy and the enactment are miles apart. Like I said, some of us are battling the unseen battles and not letting the demons out. And yes, its kind of weird, because we know it, yet we don't know it.

      Thank you, Aisha. :)

      Delete
  4. I have always wondered on what constitutes happiness. In the end, it's just a feeling which changes from people to people. There are so many who are happy just living a normal middle class 9-5 kind of life.

    But then there are also those who have all the money in the world but are still not happy. While all of us should aim for the stars, we should also learn to be satisfied and smile once in a while. Being happy surely wouldn't trouble you or would it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happiness is a feeling, an entity that can not be defined or weighted. It changes from person to person, agreed. And one man's happiness is not others happiness. That's quite an alarming state to be in.

      Happiness should be contagious, not a limited commodity. And I agree with your analogy of having everything and not having anything. Prepaid, it's about being happy in what we have and not what we want to have.

      Delete
  5. Or perhaps happiness is making peace with your demons!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You really think so?
      May be so.

      Delete

So, what do you think ?

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